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Gathering
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Gathering
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The
Eighth Gathering Of Circles Pamela and Brett's Journey Updated
07/17/02 May 19, 2002
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Pamela and Brett's Journey
First letter from Mexico 06/06/02
Second
letter from Mexico 07/07/02
The Big "C"
I, Pamela, was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in 0ctober 2001, what a journey it has been! It began with tests, misinformation, switching doctors, and finally starting chemotherapy. After the first four rounds of Adrimycin and Cytoxin, a mastectomy of my left breast took place January 22, 2002. One month after the surgery more chemotherapy was started -- Taxol. The Taxol has been the hardest, it has caused pain and numbness in my hands and feet.
This is me, January 1, 2002
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That is the nuts of bolts of it, the real journey has been the spiritual one that Brett and I have both traveled during this time. Of course like anyone who receives a diagnosis of the "C" word, we both went into shock and disbelief, how could this possibly be happening? Normally the first person I would have ran to would have been Carol Dawn, but she was in Telluride, Colorado with Beth Hin and a group of others. She was involved in a powerful pipe ceremony there that she has shared with some of you already. It was no accident that she was there at the same time this was happening to me, and I know she will be sharing more of her experience at the GOC and possibly on her website.
Another one of our chosen family is Virgie Ravenhawk, a flute player, medicine woman, and artisan. Brett called her and told her what was going on and asked if we could come to her home. She immediately said yes, "I am preparing a feast". We left with nothing but the clothes on our backs and broken hearts. When we arrived Virgie walked out onto the porch and hugged me. I said, " I don't know why I'm here", and she said, "I do, it's my birthday!" Her family and friends were there and we had a wonderful evening of laughter, singing and delicious food. Everyone left and we spent the night, I was very tired but could not sleep. Sometime in the early morning hours some of the shock wore off and I began to cry, then harder, then wail. Virgie and her housemate Kathy were immediately by mine and Brett's sides. Virgie encouraged me to let it out -- I did -- screaming, kicking, pounding (the pillow), and more crying. After some time the three of them began to rock me and I think I fell asleep.
The next day (still in the same clothes), we talked and talked. What you must realize is that Virgie is a warrior and has faced her own demons, emerging stronger and transformed on the other side. She asked me if I was up to the challenge of being a warrior, I accepted. I have been walking a spiritual path all of my life, but more truly for the last twelve years. I asked Virgie if she would make me a medicine bag for this new journey I was beginning, of course she said yes. I had no idea of what I had asked. It took her all day, with each cut of the leather she said a prayer, with each stitch of the leather she said a prayer, with each bead so carefully strung, she said a prayer. She smudged it, laid it on her alter, and said more prayers. She then told me she was going to do a traditional cleansing bath for me. She used beautifully smelling water, the newly made bag, and spoke to the spirits of the directions and Great Spirit in my behalf. Afterwards, she asked me to stay in the water and meditate, pray, or just chill out for awhile. As I sat there I told Great Spirit that I was dedicating my life to be his/her tool without expectation of the outcome, but to be of whatever service that would be for the highest good. A peace came over me that I can't really describe. I got out of the water, new clothes were laid out for me, and the beautiful medicine bag was waiting for me on the alter. I gave thanks and put it around my neck. Many people have given me precious things to wear and put in the bag, I wear it everyday. It is a constant reminder of that day and of the many blessings in my life.
The People
So many people are beside me in this journey. First and foremost, my love Brett. Without his unwavering love, strength, and compassion this would all be too much to bear. Sheri has been here for both Brett and I on a constant basis (the 3 Musketeers). Carol, Lynne, and Susan my chosen sisters are with me (Carol and Lynne drove 1000 miles to be with me for my first chemotherapy.) Susan came later to pull me up when I was in a very low place. There aren't many people who would drive that far to watch someone throw up (luckily I didn't much). Of course, Virgie Ravenhawk and Kathy Colleta who were there those first dark days. My sons Adam and Jordan and my future daughter-in-law Amber, have spent many weekends with me.
I am so proud of you all. John and Cathy, the best best friends. My mother-in-law, Bonnie, who came and stayed with me after my surgery and helped me so much. All of the people I work with, they are the best. They brought food every single day for a week after my surgery. My boss Suzy Lackmeyer and all of my coworkers are so supportive, I could not work in a better place. My parents, Morris and Betty Scheler, came from Indiana and stayed with me after the surgery until I made them leave. Thank you both so much for understanding I needed a little time to myself. Thanks to my sisters Beth, Shelley, and Jema and other friends in Indiana, Lori and Debbie, for all of the phone calls, emails and cards. Love and much thanks to Dave Arneson for helping support my body with natural remedies while taking the chemo, and to Lou who stands beside him. My love and devotion to Beth Hin who walks beside me always where ever she is, I wear your mother's pin everyday. I wear the afghan that Lois Colbridge made me every time I go for a treatment, it was made to wrap me in the arms of the Rainbow Bridge Clan. My thanks to Cliff Buchanan who is unwavering in making sure that the Gathering of Circles happens each year and helped me to get letters out to all of those in the circle so they could send prayers my way. And Oh did they!! I received so many calls, letters, cards, gifts, and emails, I was overwhelmed. I have saved them all and am putting together a notebook I call "Warrior Notes". When I start to feel a little low I just open it up to one of the notes and I feel the love sent my way and I have to stop the pity party. I have even gotten emails, prayers from people I don't even know, image that!! And I must thank my special angel at Scott & White, Mary Raper. Without her standing up for me that first day I would have been lost. She continues to love and support me and kick my butt when needed. Love and thanks to Mary Tuft, a fellow survivor who continues to be an inspiration to me. Much thanks to DeeDee for reminding me I am from the stars, Tom Casey for shaving my head, Tina Colson for giving me Reiki when I was in so much pain, Blaine Glass for being a constant and to all my friends for just being there, Kate and Peg, Bob and Lynette, Rhonda, Bob, Marian and Nell, and the Cunninghams. All, all of the GOC family. There are so many more I could go on and on, but as you can see I am Blessed.
The Next Step
My sister Lynne said that she had felt from the beginning that there was something more for me to do besides the Western medicine that most of us rely on, I knew it too but not what it should be. In the early part of 2002, Lynne met a man named Grandfather Kochora of the Yaqui nation of Sonora, Mexico. He is a highly respected elder and spiritual leader and learned the ways of medicine and plants through his mother, father, and grandfather. He is a Naugal, a man of knowledge. When Lynne met Grandfather she told him about me and he said I should come. He only speaks Spanish, so his assistant, Eric, wrote down my name and said we could write to get directions to their house and figure out when to come. Lynne called me to tell me all that had happened and asked if I would be willing to talk with them, of course I said yes. She wrote to Eric and a few days later he called me. He told me that Grandfather uses herbs, bathes, teas, massage, and rest and relaxation. I told him about all of the chemo I was taking and he said I would have to go through detoxification but that Grandfather would work with me. Eric sounded so confident that this would work, no gloom and doom like I was hearing from my doctors. It will be a 60 day process and I will have to be in Mexico with him for that whole time.
We went to Santa Fe April 20th to meet Grandfather and Eric and to participate in a workshop he was doing there. I felt that it was important to go at that time and meet him so that I could prepare the way and find out all the things we need to do and bring for a 60 day stay. It was a magical trip. First of all, twelve people from my GOC family came to attend the workshop with me (Brett, Carol, Lynne, Susan, Phil, Cliff, June, Carolyn, Betty, Mike, Mary, and Heather), so half the class was people I love. It was an amazing workshop and Grandfather's teachings touched each of us in a unique way. If I had had any doubts about going to Mexico they vanished when I met Grandfather. Everyone's impression of him was slightly different although each felt his wisdom and power. For me he was gentle, funny, and kind. I also felt a firmness that makes me know I will be working hard while I am with him, but of course isn't that the point?
Susan and Lynne opened their homes to all of us for the weekend. After the workshop we all gathered at Susan's beautiful home atop the mountain and talked and shared our experiences of the day. The next day we all gathered again at Susan's and walked (some of us rode) to a special tree on the mountain. There we said prayers and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings. I can't really express in words the specialness of being with all of those people, and the word "powerful" sometimes feels over used, but it was powerful and transforming for me. On Monday Brett and I met with Grandfather and Eric. Grandfather told me he sees me as healed and that he saw nothing "chronic". He said once it was chronic he could not do anything, but I would be ok. I believe him, so off to Mexico we go.
We will take our pop-up trailer and stay on Grandfather's land, we will have to be there for 60 days because of the detoxification. He lives in the Baja region of Mexico and from everything I can find it looks beautiful. Brett is going with me and we both know that it is as much of a spiritual journey as it is a physical healing one, maybe more so. Eric said we could hook up electricity to their house and that they just finished a full bathroom ( the universe knew I was coming!). When I asked about that, he said they were building a house. I told him Brett is a carpenter and that maybe he could trade out some work for the cost of the treatment, so another blessing. As we were talking I told Eric that we were trying to figure out what to do with the animals, the house, the bills, etc. He asked about the animals and said that we could bring Murray if we wanted to (he said Cario too, but she is too old to make that trip). Well, you can imagine my relief! Murray is the most co-dependent dog I know and I am not sure how he would have gotten along without Brett, so again, another blessing!
With the way it is all unfolding I know this is the right thing for me. I have finished the chemo and I am feeling better everyday. Just the gift of giving myself 60 days of taking care of my body with no other responsibilities brings tears to my eyes. The agency I work for is once again being so generous, they will pay me my salary while I am gone! Many friends have contributed to a Beneficiary Fund that Lynne and Carol set up for me which will help so much to offset the cost of Brett not working while we are gone, we are so grateful. We leave May 29th and will drive to Odessa the first night and stay with Cliff and June, then to El Paso and stay with Barbara and Stacy Norman, then to Phoenix where we will stay with Dave and Lou for the weekend, then on Monday, June 3rd we will meet Eric at the border and he will show us to Grandfather's home. I am looking forward to the trip. I see it as a Spiritual journey. We will actually begin our sojourn with a gathering of our family at our house Sunday May 26. John and Cathy, Sheri, Pat, Kate and Peg, Bob and Lynnette, Virgie and Zanna, Kathy and Rhonda, and hopefully Brett's mom Bonnie will all come and we will do ceremony and then have a feast (which at our house means BBQ!) We are so grateful !
While we are in Mexico the Aztec Sun Dance will be happening June 21-24 and we will be attending with Grandfather. He told us that this is a southern Sun Dance and there is no piercing involved as there is in some traditions. He invited everyone at the workshop to the Sun Dance and I know that some of our friends plan on coming. Others are coming down later to visit me while I am there and to spend time with Grandfather. I know this is going to be one of those life changing experiences and I know there will be a healing for me. Please know that a healing is not always a cure and that healings come in many forms. Of course my belief is: I will have both, a cure and a healing, but I am putting myself and the outcome in the merciful hands of the Creator. When we leave Mexico we will be going straight to the GOC, I expect that we will be glowing or floating or some magical thing. How perfect to go from the healing hands of Grandfather to the loving arms of the GOC!! Brett and I have asked for some workshop time so that we can share the experience with those who are interested, we look forward to seeing all of you. I know this sounds weird, but cancer has been a gift and a tool for me in so many ways. It has allowed me to know how much I am loved and it is transforming me into re-membering who I really am in God's creation. In the great scheme of things those two things are all that matters!
I love you all!
Pamela
The Miracle
With Sheri Young's help a miracle happened that hopefully will allow this trip to happen with even more ease. Before I begin the story, you must understand that Sheri can see fairies, ghosts, spirit guides, and all kinds of folk. So one evening in March 2002 Brett was visiting her and they were talking about the awareness that is coming due to the 5th world the Hopi Prophecy speaks of, the time of Peace. Suddenly Sheri said, "Brett, your grandfather just popped in". Brett felt it and it brought him to tears. Grandpa told Sheri he was proud of Brett for all of the things he is doing and that he did not have to worry about his mother and brothers because he was watching over them. Then he said there was something in our garage (use to be Grandpa's garage) that would help us financially with all that is ahead. He said he knew it would still be there because no one would think it was valuable. Then he gave specifics on where to look in the garage. Upon returning home, Brett went into the garage and looked where Grandpa had instructed him to look and there he found an old gallon paint can full of ROCKS!
Like Grandpa had said they didn't appear to be valuable just by looking at the contents of the can. But Brett brought the can inside and started inspecting the contents more closely. What he found was 130 pieces of Fluorite. He held them each under a light and couldn't' t believe how beautiful they were. He called Sheri to tell her what Grandpa had led him to and she was amazed. Brett knew they were valuable but did not really know how much they would be worth monetarily. So he began searching the web to find out, and there was a lot of information but it was still not clear what each one would be worth or how one would go about pricing them. Brett said it did not feel right to sell them to just anyone, so it came to him that they needed to go to the family (GOC, friends, extended family, etc.) Thank you Sheri and Grandpa!!
This is what the Crystal Connection says about Fluorite:
"Comes in many shades. Is very user- friendly. Comfortable to work with. Calms the nervous system. Aids in meditation. Used for advancement of the mind and balancing of the brain. It teaches us to be integrated at all levels."
Message from Brett:
"As this is a time when we need to focus our energies to help all of our relations to make this necessary shift into the 5th World of Peace, it is a great wonder to me that this particular stone came forward to help us focus our energies. I do not know how my Grandfather came by these stones, but I know this is perfect timing and a perfect stone to bring us together in a way that will allow us to do the work ahead. We are only just starting to find out how we have and are affecting our world and our future. I love, honor, and respect all of you and want this connection with you. If it were up to me I would just give each of you a stone, but my Grandfather wanted to help us in this way at a time of need, and it is just such a time as I will not be getting paid during our two months in Mexico. If you feel led to have one of these stones I am asking for a donation of no less than $25.00. If you would like to have it now, you can send your donation and I can pick one out for you and mail it. Or, I will bring them to the Gathering of Circles and you can choose your own and make your donation at that time. If anyone is interested in having a light box built for their stone I can build you one when we return from Mexico, the price will depend on the size, type wood, etc. We are not trying to make a fortune but we are grateful for this gift that Grandpa knew we needed. We ask that you each follow your heart and we give thanks to all of you for your support.
Our mail will be forwarded to us in Mexico, so you can mail your donation to our home address and we will get it there. Be sure and send us your return address so we can mail your stone to you. Our address is: 3901 Loop Drive, Temple, Texas 76502
All of my love,
Brett"
First letter from Mexico 06/06/02
Well we made it! I have mixed feelings about being here. I was ready to leave the first day, but of course we didn't. They are very poor, but very nice. The camper is much nicer than the building they live in. It's very hot during the day but nice at night. We haven't run the air conditioner (I don't feel right since they don't have AC). The women do all the cooking, we have bought most of the groceries. They don't have money to buy materials to build on the house they have started, so Brett isn't going to get to trade out for the cost of the treatment. It's too bad because the workmanship on the house is pretty poor and Brett could really help them. The first two days I drank some kind of tea that was to clean out my kidneys. Yesterday I had my first bath, it is done in the teepee. Grandfather prepared the water but his wife actually poured the water over me. The water was orangey brown. Today I started drinking a different tea that is to clean the blood. My feet and hands are hurting less!! Every morning we sit under the trees and Grandfather will talk. It is all very slow, his teachings, the way everything is done. Nothing is done in a hurry, kind of like living on the reservation only more so. I think the baths and the tea is working, but it sure is different and harder than I expected. There is dirt everywhere!!!
We went today to see the site of the Sundance. It is good, but unless it cools off it will be hot. They say it is hotter right now than usual so maybe it will get back to normal for here by the time of the dance. I think there is going to be a website for the Sundance so maybe we can but it on the GOC site as a link. I will let you know when I get the address. Oh, by the way, I am sending you this from an Internet cafe in Tecate, Mexico. I tried to hook up with my home email address but couldn't (any suggestions?) so I am using my work email. So, I will be checking every now and then if you want to email me anything. That's all I can think of for now. Carol, it is definitely too hot for you. I am going to call Susan today and Mike Andrews to see if they are still planning to come to the Sundance. Being able to send this makes me feel more in touch with everyone. My email here is pscheler@hotmail.com It really is a different world down here.
Love ya,
Pamela
Second letter from Mexico 07/07/02
Everyone,
I thought it was time to check-in with everyone and let you all know that all is well. The Sundance was great. There weren't a lot of people but the
energy was good. As many of you know, Susan Murray came down from Santa Fe and Mike Andrews from Taos came for the dance. Deb came down from San Diego
for a couple of days too. Susan told me she was bringing me a big surprise, I couldn't imagine what it could be. Well, she really really surprised me,
she brought Virgie with her!!! Now that WAS a big surprise. It was great having them here. Of course Virgie speaks Spanish so she was able to speak
to Grandfather and the rest of the family, so that helped me to tell them things that I had not been able to say in the way I wanted to, such as how
grateful I am to all of them for what they have done for me. I am feeling so good I marvel at it each day. While in San Diego one day Brett and I
were walking along the beach and all of a sudden I looked how far we had walked and realized I could not have done that a month ago! I was walking
without pain, it brought tears of gratitude to my eyes. More about the dance. One person at the Sundance that it was honor to
be with was Selo Black Crow. He is a Lakota sub-chief and medicine man. It was his vision that brought the Sundance back in 1968. He is a great
teacher and funny to boot. He shared many teaching with us, too many to speak of in this email, but we will talk about some of it at the GOC. There
were lots of lessons for us and him and everyone there.
Lynne Heilbuth and Mary Tuft will be joining us in Mexico and Mary will be working with Grandfather in regards to her cancer, so please say a prayer for her healing. They will get to San Diego Monday and we will go down to Mexico together on Tuesday. I am not sure how long Grandfather will want her to be there, but my guess is around 10 days so she can have the baths and then he will probably send herbs home with her, at least that is the plan I heard. It will be good to have them here. Watching Brett and Deb work on the patio has made me want to go home and start some fix-up projects around the house. So, that is another sign how much better I am feeling because before I came I would not have had the energy to even think about stuff like that little lone the energy to do it. Now I know I can!!! I think a big part of the healing has been the relaxation and rest that I am getting, but I know in another month I will be ready to get back to work (yes, Suzy, I miss the work and all of you). I have been reading a lot as well, Life and Teachings of the Master's of the Far East, Conversations with God III, The Healer Within, and For the Land of the Lost How to Get Ready for God. I have more with me and hopefully I will have time to read them. From all of this I know that one of the important things that I am becoming aware of is to take time to appreciate and love everything and to simplify my life. I appreciate and love all of you so much, I hope you all really can feel that.
Blessings,
Pamela
