Essay by Summer Sun 

Dear Cliff, this is the feedback you requested regarding the Shamanic Journey of Saturday, August 9, 1997.

I see a cave in the side of a mountain or red cliffs while the drums beat a steady rhythm. Upon entering the cave, I walk downward on a trail. After a while I come to a river and on the shore or beach area a canoe is waiting for me. I get into the canoe and start to paddle up the river. This is a wide river of light with diamond-like points of light on the water. I call it a river of light.

It is a beautiful, serene river and there is not another soul on the river and only trees along the bank. After paddling for a while I see a sand bar and a grove of aspen or white birch. I know that is the place I am to go ashore. I find myself sitting in a grove of trees looking and searching for my power animal to appear.

I see a hawk circling and think, aha! this is my power animal and this will be impressive. Evidently the hawk is only a messenger for what follows. After another period of waiting, a large bird circles about me overhead. At first I cannot make out a distinct shape or color. As I ponder the color it turns white. The word condor or corda flashes through my mind. Then another portion of my mind states another syllable needs to go with conda. I think the bird may be an anaconda. (I was informed later that the anaconda is a snake and I really don't care for snakes. They frighten me.)

I am transported by the bird to a hilltop. In a valley below is an encampment of teepees. We fly to one particular teepee. It is covered with a lot of Indian symbols. The flap is open and inside sits a heavy-set older woman dressed in Indian clothes. She sits cross-legged on an Indian blanket. She wears a long skirt and a fringed shawl around her shoulders. Her hair is streaked with grey and falls about her shoulders. She has a round moon face, very pleasant, with the sweetest smile I've ever seen. She is of the grandmother energy.

My question at the beginning of the journey was, "What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?" The grandmother tells me I am to work with the spirit world. This really shocks and dazes me. I enumerate all the reasons I cannot do that. Then I wonder if I have gotten into someone else's shamanic journey by mistake. Maybe I do not belong here.

Every time I give a reason as to why I cannot do that, she only smiles sweetly and tells me I will remember and that the white condor will help me as needed. All communication is by telepathy. She simply sits and smiles sweetly.

I continue to argue that it is impossible for me to assume the task she has given me. She tells me that my name is Summer Sun and I have worked with the spirit world before. She presses the issue by telling me it needs to be done for the tribe. I have no idea what tribe she means. Again she presses the issue and informs me it is my duty to the tribe. I begin to cry. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I again tell her I cannot do this thing she asks of me. Again she only smiles and assures me I will remember how and the white bird will assist me.

The drum signal creeps into my consciousness signaling I am to return to the circle. This is when I began to cry hard and feel myself trying to stifle the sobs. I beg her to let me stay. Mentally I scream again and again I do not want to return to earth. She only smiles and tells me I must go.

Somehow I manage a return trip shortly after the drums stop. I resist opening my eyes and feel a strong urge to assume the fetal position. The group slowly begins to assume an upright sitting position while I continue to feel the urge to curl into prenatal position. I note my rapid breathing and pounding heart. I am completely devastated by having to "leave" the grandmother energy with a task so overwhelming.

I tell Cliff and the group of my journey through the tears. I am unable to stop crying. I feel both foolish and stunned and want to hide. Somehow I make it through the telling. I am as limp as a wet cloth after attempting to verbalize what I felt and thought.

Someone in the circle suggests I look up condor and winged serpent. Many loving hands reach out to touch me and give me comfort. Later Cliff has me speak with Carol Dawn who had a similar beginning and now works with the Navajo.

Affectionately & Respectfully, Francine

P.S. I've done some research on this and feel that it was a white condor. I now understand the near death experience better and why people don't want to come back but feel duty bound to come back. The book "The Way of a Shaman" is giving me validity for the experience. I'm open to all suggestions as to how to handle this and what to do with it.

Return to top